awarity

sadness

I'm missing the Kali monster something fierce today. I miss Sox, too, but there's nothing I can do about that. My little pet family has shrunk.

I've been feeling isolated lately. I have great friends here, but I'm not in the mood for them. I don't want to meet new people. Austin's "weird"ness is really starting to rub me the wrong way. I miss old friends who've disappeared. I miss my Mom and Dad.

I spent a week in Colorado in early August. I've really missed it. Even the camping, which I haven't done since my Army days. Sleeping in a tent on an old air strip for nearly a year makes quite an impact.

Anyhow, the thought of picking up and leaving Texas has been gnawing and digging holes in my head for several months. Then it hits me..."Hey! I could live in CO and be only a 5 hour drive from Mom & Dad. Beats the hell out of 10 or 11."

Blossoming plans.

More on that later.

 

V-day heart candies have new sayings like "email me" and "LOL"...(rolling eyes)

Hearts

Chalky yellow is yummy...and "no way" and "goodbye" in any color.

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What I want to be when I grow up

I felt something bubbling inside of me today, and had to find an outlet. It's not particularly inspiring. I wonder if any of you previous 'awarity' readers are left?

I wish I was a writer. A real one. I can think of no better life than one in which I can hole up in comfy old granny sweaters with a laptop and papers strung about on a massive mahogany desk in a dark but cozy room with a crackling fire and a cup of steaming tea in front of a window with a glorious view of the sea and the forest full of trees that houses woodland creatures and elves and gremlins and eskimos and the old tractor in the field of swaying yellow wheat that contrasts so nicely against a sky full of storm-soaked purple clouds...like the sky in my dream with the whistling wind and the tornado that gets clobbered by a Monty Python-ish Dragon Foot. Springfield.

And that's where TV's unholy influence rears it's ugly head. (And I'm not referring to Monty Python as the unholy reference.) That image of me, a real writer, is the same image we've been trained to think of when thinking about the process of writing. Nothing could be further from the truth. You've got to feel it in your bones. I know this, but those images are fun to entertain.

See? I can't get much past stream- of- conscious drivel. I simply cannot write anything substantial when I have nothing to say. I have nothing to say because I've been much too distracted with numbers and salary transfers and account changes and overpayments and useless accountingish language that means nothing to anyone but a select few thousand people who make the commute in to the original 40 acres 5 days a week. And so my blog is sorely neglected. And now I'm burning your eyes with inflatable run on sentences.

The reality of it is that what I described above, and what I'd be really good at, is the life of a recluse. It would be grand, just marvelous. With the writing or without. I could be that, so simply. A successful one like JD Salinger. RIP, JDS, btw. I could totally write like him, too, but now that whole in- your- face style of angst has been done. Curse words in print don't have the same shocking effect that they did in the 50s.

I could shed the expectations of society, take off the mask. I'd feel guilty at first, but that would slowly fade just like anything else you can talk yourself into if you justify it long enough. Eventually I would stop caring about insignificancies.

Now I wonder, have I already done this?

I've carved out a nice life for myself, sans the career choice. That's never static. I have a lot of history to share. I have a wonderful selection of a few friends and don't need more. I am quite fulfilled with their company and that of my family. I can't ask for more. I've made wise lifestyle choices and have my health. I have figured out the secret to life is that no one but me can take care of me. It's all up to me. I like where I am.

Strange. All that rambling actually gave me some clarity. AWARITY BLOG I'VE MISSED YOU!!!

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7 Ingredients to Ban From Your Bathroom | Healthy and Green Living

7 Ingredients to Ban From Your Bathroom | Healthy and Green Living

http://www.care2.com/greenliving/7-in...

Parabens are a synthetic preservative and antimicrobial agent commonly found in personal-care products with high water content: shampoo, conditioner, lotion, cleansers and body wash. They also turn up in solid products like deodorant. They appear as methyl-, ethyl-, butyl- or propylparaben. Studies have found that parabens mimic estrogen in the body and disrupt normal hormone function, and they have been found in breast-tumor biopsies.

LOG!

"What rolls down stairs alone or in pairs
    Rolls over your neighbor's dog?
    What's great for a snack and fits on your back?
    It's Log, Log, Log!" - The Ren & Stimpy Show

LOG

Ripped off pencil drawing circa 1990 is the result of rummaging through old closets at Mom and Dad's. Unfortunately, LOG is the most interesting thing I found.

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my most devoted friend

She gave me one last look with that long, piercing, green-eyed stare before she laid her head down and went to sleep. I'll never forget that look. It was so familiar. I've seen it time and again for years. It was a look of endless patience when I was a complete fool...a look that said "you can do better than that" in the kindest possible way...a look of undying love despite my idiosyncracies.

 

She had a beautiful, trusting face just like her nature. We used to stay up late watching movies and eating junk food. We snuggled on the couch and were content to simply be together. I told her my deepest, darkest secrets. And she was there for many of the big events my life - the move from Germany and the transition to 'civilians' as we exited the Army lifestyle. Oh, how we traveled! She saw me through the subsequent troubles of relationships that had to come to an end. As that door closed, so an even wider and brighter door opened as we arrived home as "Austinites". We've never been happier.

 

The memory of those last few moments with her are forever imprinted on my soul. That one last look before her eyes glazed over, pain receding, as she laid to rest forever, told me "Thank you for not letting the pain completely consume me. Thank you for giving me a home for 15 years. Thank you for loving me." No, THANK YOU, Sox.

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we dream

I have one that will probably never come to fruition but I think it's a good idea if nothing else.

I want to own my own coffee shop. The kicker? I'll have books, too. So, it's a coffee shop that also has books. A cool coffee place for hanging out that has a literary theme. NOT a Borders or Barnes & Noble that sells books and has a small coffee shop inside. MY store will sell primarily coffee and have a books available for sale, or browsing, or borrowing while drinking coffee. Have some Vonnegut with your latte. Maybe you'd enjoy a few pages of O. Henry with a shot of Mocha. Whatever. Don't wanna buy a book? No problem. This works out okay because the cost for my exquisite coffee willl rival Starbucks'.

I shall call it...

"The Kafka House"

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eternal struggle

(not referring to Homer struggling with his pants)

Internal Debate

by Streeter Seidell April 09, 2008

 

Computer:Monitor, display this document, ok?

Monitor: No prob, boss.

Computer: OK, now it looks like Mouse is moving around so, Monitor, will you move the pointer icon accordingly?

Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.

Computer: Great, great. OK, Mouse, where are you going now?

Mouse: Over to the icon panel, sir.

Computer: Hmm, Let me know if he clicks anything, OK?

Mouse: Of course.

Keyboard: Sir, he's pressed control and P simultaneously.

Monitor: Oh God, here we go.

Computer: *sighs* Printer, are you there?

Printer: No.

Computer: Please, Printer. I know you're there.

Printer: NO! I'm not here! Leave me alone!

Computer: Jesus. OK look, you really ne...

Mouse: Sir, he's clicked on the printer icon.

Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.

Printer: NO! NO! NO! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!

Computer: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.

Printer: NO! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!

Computer: You're not out of in...

Printer: I'M OUT OF INK!

Computer: *Sighs* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.

Monitor: But sir, he has plen...

Computer: Just do it, damn it!

Monitor: Yes sir.

Keyboard: AHHH! He's hitting me!

Computer: Stay calm, he'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.

Keyboard: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!

Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now?! Do you see what you've done?!

Printer: HA! that's what you get for trying to get me to do work. Next time he...hey...HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh my god! He's torn out my cartridge! HELP! Please! ERROR!

Monitor: Sir, maybe we should help him?

Computer: No. He did this to himself.

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words of wisdom uttered by a drunk man at the Driskill Hotel

"The palest ink has more impact than the strongest memory." - Larry Simpson, writer

I meet the most interesting people sometimes.

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In Regards to the End of the World

"If there's one thing I hate more than prophecy, it's self-fulfilling prophecy." - Bill Maher, Religulous

He also said "...'faith' is a virtue of not thinking." Oh yes, this documentary is good. I wonder why I waited so long to watch it...at the same time, it's a solemn reminder of why I dislike most people. Where have you been all my life, Bill?

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